


How Do You See Me?

by OnTheGround2012



Series: All I Saw Was You [71]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Future, Amnesia, Amnesiac Stiles Stilinski, Coma, Confession, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Doubt, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Future, Future Fic, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage, Memories, Mpreg, Nobody is Dead, Parenthood, Questioning, Questions, Revelations, Sex Talk, Talking, True Love, Undressing, Werewolf Jackson Whittemore, admission, pregnant Jackson doesn't feel attractive, present timeline, stiles is turned on by his pregnant husband and that's never gonna change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 03:56:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12832788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnTheGround2012/pseuds/OnTheGround2012
Summary: Stiles decides it's time to tell Jackson how he feels and what he wants.





	How Do You See Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god, I can't believe I'm finally sharing this chapter since I've waited so long to do it... but yeah, it's finally here xDD... a very special chapter which was quite a challenge for me but I can't wait to see what people think about it. And well, it's also special because it's longer but mostly because it's the next-to-last part in the present (which I know is what some people prefer to read about), so the present is finally coming to an end. Anyway, I'm quite nervous about sharing this and I hope people will like it.
> 
> Thanks so much to my amazing beta, WhenAngelsFall, for her help as usual; she's wonderful and I couldn't share this without her advice.

Jackson is in bed reading some documents that Kane had asked him to check over for his latest case when Stiles enters the room, closing the door behind him. It’s not something they usually do, so Jackson looks at him and he doesn’t really have to pay attention to know that Stiles’s heart is beating slightly faster and sounds louder too.

“Everything okay?” Jackson asks. His black glasses were sliding down so he pushes them back in place.

“Yeah, I read him that new story he likes about the bear and he’s fallen asleep.”

“I’m not surprised. Scott says he was running around all day. Did you have a good time?” Stiles and Daniel had spent all day at Scott’s house for Andrea’s birthday. It had to be pretty crazy with so many kids from school apart from the pack.

“Yeah, Daniel was so excited and happy… it was nice to see him like that, you know.” Stiles sits down sideways on his side of the bed resting his right hand on the quilt.

“Like a normal kid?” Jackson asks.

“Yeah, just a kid with friends… playing… having cake and probably too much sugar.” Stiles smiles. “Not a kid living at his grandpa’s with a father in a coma… You think he’s forgotten what happened?”

“Honestly… I don’t know. Probably not… but if he hasn’t, he will. He’s too little. When you grow up, you forget all those years.”

“I wish you had been there,” Stiles says with sincerity.

“Me too…” but looking the way he does right now, it certainly wasn’t an option. “But I’ll be there next year. Don’t worry, there will be more birthdays.”

“Yeah, I know.” Stiles nods. He licks his lips and looks at Jackson but doesn’t say anything.

Jackson looks at his eyes, then at his mouth but doesn’t say anything either. It reminds him of one of those awkward moments when they were just friends but he could feel that weird electricity in the air. That thing that made him feel like maybe Stiles felt the same way he did.

He thinks that Stiles is going to say something but nothing comes out of his mouth. Instead, he can hear Stiles’s heart starting to beat a little faster again and then Stiles starts to unbutton his shirt slowly but he probably figures that it’s easier to do it standing so he stands up. He continues until the last button and takes it off.

His chest looks so good just with the light from the lamps on the nightstands that Jackson can’t help staring.

“What are you doing?” It sounds kind of lame but he’s honestly surprised. It’s like deja-vu… That’s something Stiles used to do before the accident… that’s not Stiles finding his pajamas and getting ready for bed.

“What do you think?” That’s Stiles trying to sound confident but not really achieving it.

Stiles unbuttons his jeans next and takes them off too. Only his briefs remain.

“Stiles…” Jackson isn’t sure what to say because he’s not sure what’s going on. Not really.

Stiles sits on the bed like he was before. “I…” Stiles hesitates. “You know… I thought we could have sex. You know, because I know you were probably waiting for me to be ready or maybe you weren’t ready after what happened but I think your wolf is used to having me back home and I know we haven’t done it in a long time… like since before the accident. So yeah, it’s like I’m an adult and I’m married, and it sucks that I don’t remember a single time... so you know, if you want me, I wanna do it. I do, okay? I don’t want you to think that I’m avoiding it or something...”

Jackson smiles and closes his eyes for a second.

“If I want you?” _Really?_

“Yeah,” Stiles says, unsure if that was a question.

Jackson snorts. And Stiles is confused.

“Stiles… there’s not a day when I don’t want you. But I’m eight months pregnant. I’ve never felt less attractive in my fucking life. I think your first time should be when… you know… when I feel like myself again. When I’m like a normal human being… or a normal werewolf. You know, how it was our real first time… when I still had abs--”

“Well, I don’t care about your abs.” Stiles interrupts him. “I mean, it’s not that I _don’t care_ but… the thing is that you know I don’t remember our first time but it doesn’t have to be the same. I’m…” Stiles hesitates. “I’m attracted to you. Your _condition_... it doesn’t bother me. You’re still you. Maybe it makes me a freak but, you know…” Stiles waves his left arm and licks his lip.

“What?” Jackson raises his eyebrows and tries not to smile. “It turns you on?” It’s a question but this is not his first pregnancy and he already knows the answer. He just wants to hear it.

“Yeah. I guess it does.” Stiles admits, running a hand through his hair.

Jackson snorts and smiles. “You’re not a freak, okay? When I was pregnant with Daniel you said pretty much the same. But since you came out of the coma, you’ve changed and most of the time I don’t really know how you feel. I didn’t know if this,” Jackson leaves his right hand on his belly, “bothered you or not.”

“The night we came back from our first date, I told you how I felt, didn’t I? Then, what happened? You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t avoided you,” Jackson says defensively.

“The hell you haven’t. You haven’t even kissed me!” Stiles waves both arms. “I don’t need to be a wolf to know when you’re lying, you know?”

Jackson smiles and licks his lip.

“What?” Stiles asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Nothing… it’s just that you’ve told me that many times before.”

Somehow that doesn’t surprise Stiles in the least.

“Okay. Fine.” Jackson admits. “I haven’t kissed you but it’s not because I didn’t want to. I simply… I was afraid that I couldn’t control myself afterwards. I didn’t want to hurt you. And besides, you’ve been in a coma, for god’s sake. I wasn’t sure if you were ready. I’m still not sure, actually.”

“Then you should have just asked me. Didn’t we communicate better before the accident? Didn’t we talk?”

“Of course we talked. We talked a lot. We also argued a lot. Haven’t we talked about your new _career_?” Jackson is not sure how to call his husband’s totally new occupation in law enforcement. “Because I think we’ve talked plenty about it. And yeah, we don’t agree about everything. That’s never gonna change. The thing is that we were never perfect, I’m sure Scott or just anybody else you’ve talked to must have told you that. But we loved each other… that’s why we had Daniel and that’s why I’m pregnant right now. We’d never have had kids if we weren’t sure that we worked together.”

“Jackson… you…” Stiles licks his lip in that way he does when he’s not sure how to say something and Jackson can almost hear his brain thinking. “You know I love you, right? Because I haven’t told you in so many words or maybe without any word I guess, but in case you need me to tell you, I’m telling you now… just so you know. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how to do it exactly. I’m not so good at this if you haven’t noticed.” Stiles wonders if he’s always been this way or it’s something new.

It’s not often that Jackson is taken by surprise but this was something that he hadn’t seen coming.

“You do?” Jackson asks, raising his eyebrows.

Right now this feels like the weirdest conversation Jackson has ever had. He never thought he’d ever be asking his husband how he feels about him because he’s supposed to know. He’s known pretty much from the start and he might have doubted a lot of things in his life but if there was something he never doubted, that was Stiles’s love for him. Then the accident changed all that and now he can feel his heart beating faster than it has in a while.

“Yeah, I do. You didn’t think I did?” Stiles asks.

“Honestly? I didn’t know what to think. I guess I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Besides, it’s not been too long since I…”

“Since you were in a coma?” Stiles finishes for him.

“Yeah.” Jackson nods.

“Well, you told me that when we started going out, things were pretty fast, right? That even I thought it was too fast at first.”

“Yeah, that’s true but we were teenagers back then.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles frowns.

“I mean. I don’t know if it was fast or not. I’d say it was pretty fast but I can’t be sure because I’ve never loved anybody else. At first neither of us knew what we were doing. But yeah, after what happened, something changed between us and we both knew it was happening, we just didn’t know how to face it or how to admit it because we were idiots.”

Stiles can’t say he’s surprised. It’s not difficult to imagine that the situation had to be kind of awkward at first. It just sucks to know that he was kind of a coward back then. Right now he doesn’t want to act like that again. Before coming into this room he had made up his mind, he was going to kiss Jackson and tell him how he feels although not necessarily in that order.

“Well, I don’t know how it was the first time but you’re forgetting that I have the mental age of a teenager, so you know, your theory could be right, maybe the story is repeating itself.” Maybe he’s fallen for him quite fast again but Jackson should only be happy about it.

Jackson snorts. Maybe Stiles is totally right. “You can’t really blame me if I forget sometimes… I do remember everything and when I look at you… well, you don’t look like you did when you were sixteen, you know?” Jackson licks his lips.

“ _Really?_ And how do I look?” Stiles smiles and that’s the smile Jackson had missed and was afraid he’d never see again.

“Come on, you know perfectly well how you look.”

“Yeah, I know what I see in the mirror. I can see myself, obviously. But, you know, how do _you_ see me?” Stiles wonders if that sounds weird but he doesn’t remember. Yes he knows Jackson loves him but he doesn’t remember any of their conversations, any of the things Jackson must have said to him at different points of their lives. It’s one of those things that makes him really sad when he thinks about it.

“Come on, you know how I see you.” Jackson waves his right arm and leaves the documents on the nightstand.

“You mean, I _knew_. I have amnesia, remember?”

Jackson shakes his head. Yeah, that’s true. He’s just not good at this… He’s improved but still, not his strongest suit.

“Well, okay.” Jackson nods. “It’s simple, actually. You’ve… I mean, you’ve grown up obviously. We both have although this is not the version of me that I wish you could see right now. But you know, the way I see you is just the way you are now. Your shoulders are broader, your arms and legs are stronger. And I love… I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love your longer hair. I love your chest. And I fucking love your hands… What else do you need me to say? That’s how I see you. You’re beautiful to me. You’ll always be.” Jackson shrugs.

 _Beautiful_. Hell, it’s the first time somebody calls him that, at least that he can remember and he’s a little in shock. Stiles is not sure what he expected, probably just a couple of things, not all that string of words and pretty much without thinking. He’s never seen himself that way and it’s strange to hear that coming from somebody else, even if he’s married to that someone and even if he knows that that someone loves him.

“What?” Jackson asks when Stiles doesn’t say anything.

“Nothing.” Stiles licks his lips. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything. You asked me and I replied. That’s it,” Jackson says matter-of-factly.

Stiles doesn’t answer, instead he lies down on his side, so that he’s much closer to Jackson, his head propped up in his left hand and his right one on Jackson’s right shoulder.

Stiles reaches out to take off Jackson’s glasses and Jackson helps him, leaving them on the nightstand over the documents. The next thing Jackson knows, Stiles’s mouth is covering his. It starts slow but soon Stiles’s right hand is on his cheek as their tongues meet and the kiss deepens, Jackson can hear Stiles’s heart beating faster again but this time it feels totally different. It feels the way it used to feel, the way it was when it was just the two of them, connected, needing each other. He knows Stiles was being totally honest before. He really wants to have sex with him and it’s not just because he wants to have his first time.

Jackson runs his right hand through Stiles’s hair as he angles his head to give Stiles better access. The intensity grows until they need to breath and when Jackson looks back at Stiles there’s that look he knows so well. That looks that means that he really wants to say something.

“Just say it.” Jackson says.

“Is it safe if we have sex?” Stiles runs his right hand over Jackson’s belly. “I mean, did we do it the last time?”

Jackson smiles. He can imagine that it wasn’t easy to ask.

“Yeah, we did it.” Jackson runs his right hand through Stiles hair.

“And was I… I mean, was I inside you?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

Stiles makes that face that Jackson knows so well. _What do you mean exactly?_

“Sex is not a routine, you know? We don’t always do the same... It depends on how we feel… and you’ve never been shy about what you want, so don’t start today, okay? You can tell me anything.”

Maybe he could make things easier. Maybe he could take control of the situation and Stiles wouldn’t need to say a thing but if he did that, it would be like taking a step back and this whole thing is supposed to be a step forward for them. He needs Stiles to trust him like he used to.

“Okay, I want to be inside you if you feel like it… we don’t have to… I’m not saying--”

“Hey, shut up. You have _no idea_ how much I want you.” Jackson leans closer to Stiles’s mouth until he can kiss him again. “How much I’ve missed you.” He kisses Stiles neck. “How much I want you inside me…” Their lips meet briefly again.

Jackson slides his hands lower until they slip under Stiles's briefs. “So, just get rid of these and fuck me, okay?”

Stiles smiles. “Okay.” Stiles gets up and gets rid of his underwear. “But remember that I have no idea what I’m doing…”

“Will you please stop thinking? I can guide you through it but you’ve done this before… so, don’t worry, it’s gonna be okay. More than okay, believe me.”

“Yeah, stop thinking. I can do that.”

“Good.” Jackson smiles. “Now come here and kiss me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm otg2012 on Tumblr if you wanna share any thought. I love feedback and talking to readers.


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